Good writing Zephyr, did you enjoy looking at the picture and thinking about all the different things in there. I wonder if you went back and looked at it again you would see lots more things.
I wonder what the fish are thinking while they look in the tank? I quite like this picture as it is like an opposite world. We are in the tank and the fish are watching us.
Kia ora Zephyr, Well done on creating this blogpost about your writing! It is so cool to see all of the hard work you are doing, and better to see how hard you are still working even when you have to do it from home! I really like the way you have described the picture, specifically when you used the word ‘broken’ to describe the house. Description is extremely important in writing because it helps your viewers visualise the story in their heads. Take these two sentences for example. ‘The man is cold at night’ and ‘The short, tired man is extremely cold late at night’ Reading the sentence ‘The man is cold at night’ is a little bit bland and boring, but reading that exact same sentence with descriptions added in makes it sound 10x more exciting! Perhaps you could take two sentences from this writing and edit them to add in more detail. It would be awesome for you to then put them as a reply to this comment so I am able to see what new and exciting sentences you’ve created! Keep up the great work! Nga mihi
Do you think this looks like your fish tank at home Zephyr? Maybe we could make a house for our fish in their tank!
ReplyDeleteGood writing Zephyr, did you enjoy looking at the picture and thinking about all the different things in there. I wonder if you went back and looked at it again you would see lots more things.
ReplyDeleteHi Zephyr
ReplyDeleteThat's a good description of the picture. I was able to 'see' the picture a lot better with your writing. What made you choose this picture?
I wonder what the fish are thinking while they look in the tank? I quite like this picture as it is like an opposite world. We are in the tank and the fish are watching us.
ReplyDeleteKia ora Zephyr,
ReplyDeleteWell done on creating this blogpost about your writing! It is so cool to see all of the hard work you are doing, and better to see how hard you are still working even when you have to do it from home!
I really like the way you have described the picture, specifically when you used the word ‘broken’ to describe the house.
Description is extremely important in writing because it helps your viewers visualise the story in their heads.
Take these two sentences for example.
‘The man is cold at night’ and ‘The short, tired man is extremely cold late at night’
Reading the sentence ‘The man is cold at night’ is a little bit bland and boring, but reading that exact same sentence with descriptions added in makes it sound 10x more exciting!
Perhaps you could take two sentences from this writing and edit them to add in more detail. It would be awesome for you to then put them as a reply to this comment so I am able to see what new and exciting sentences you’ve created!
Keep up the great work!
Nga mihi